Nevermore

Armed with a bright green water gun, Tyler launched a solo counteroffensive against a calculated aerial campaign from relentless ravens. These black-feathered aggressors have repeatedly targeted our office windows, tearing at rubber insulation with unnerving focus and persistence. The result: shredded weather stripping, visible damage, and a growing sense that the building itself has been claimed as part of their territory. Tyler can be seen below sprinting across the parking lot to repel the winged assailants. “It was… unexpected,” said one witness, who asked not to be named. “But I guess this falls under ‘other duties as assigned.’”

While the long-term effectiveness of water-based raven deterrence remains uncertain, Tyler’s actions have had a clear impact on morale.